When I first set up this page the idea was to provide a real and honest account of life outside of the glittering portrayal we are sadly getting accustomed to on social media. Though I have realised further down the road that talking about any and everything openly isn’t always as easy as it first seemed.
My desire to be involved in part of society that offered something real became a bit hypocritical, I guess, when I stopped sharing my own life. I wish in some ways I could’ve shared things more, particularly if it provided comfort to people going through a similar thing. The truth is it’s not been an easy one to navigate. I guess separation and divorce can be like that, who knew huh?! Lol..
The other thing is, it would’ve been unfair to talk about and share only my perspective. Also, I don’t know how fair it is to say that it’s the separation which affects me at this stage, I mean the world has gone crazy! Haven’t we all had a lot of shit to deal with lately? ..I think just on the surface, getting to grips with living in a new country, not seeing my children everyday, the whole pandemic craziness! It’s an incredible rebirth that’s beautiful, exciting yet painful all at the same time.
Learning to live with certain adjustments is different too, like when the children aren’t with me, not knowing what they are doing, eating, how they’re feeling etc is all new and unknown. Except the strange thing is, in losing this identity and control I’ve gained a new identity which I now realise was and is completely necessary for me. I’ve consciously accepted the necessity to not create a pain body from something and make that my identity. The happiness lies in the acceptance of what is, not the resistance. I have a choice to let things affect me or to embrace the new opportunities, and I know what I’d rather do!
Apologies if I sound a bit cuckoo to you but I have had to really look within and figure out how I feel and decide if things really NEED venting about, if they NEED sharing, is it necessary? Will I feel fine in an hour, or even tomorrow? I’m not talking about suppressing the emotions either because a good cry helps us all now and again. . more just being conscious, being aware if I’m just having a “funny five minutes” or if I genuinely need to accept the feelings and work through them. Anyhow, I realise that’s an entirely different rabbit hole we could be venturing down there, so for now I wanted to share this link to a video I watched by the fantastic Kristina Kuzmic, who uses the mantra “Kids first, ego last” I think it’s brilliant! If you’re interested, please watch it and let me know what you think!!
Hopefully it won’t be so long next time, I hope you’re all well.
Lots of love xx